Already got asked if we're dating
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
