aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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