Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
