You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
