sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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