I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
