i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
my vag is so smooth its legendary
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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