yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
