non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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