I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
