I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
