You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
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