My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
