Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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