Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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