where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
