yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
