I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
