hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
