Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Dicks are not precious.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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