Having a random hookup so left but love u
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
