I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
