I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm bleeding and have questions
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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