addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
