i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
