Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
