I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
