this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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