My cat gives me a boner
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
