I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
