he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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