I murdered the dance floor call the cops
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
