So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
