Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
