you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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