Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
