yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
