And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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