Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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