I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
