Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
