Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
