thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
