I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
