He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
