I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
