it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
