idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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