I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
