stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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